x

"But perhaps you hate a thing and it's good for you, and perhaps you love a thing and it's bad for you. And God knows, while you know not."

aiemyu

"All this time I was finding myself

I didn't know I was lost."

on my pyjamas

halo!

1 minggu sekolah udah berlalu dan so far so good sih.. gaada kejadian yang sedih atau menarik juga. 10 hari lagi udah mau liburan lagi aja, cepet banget ya... dan untuk libur lebaran ini gue ngga ada rencana pergi ke luar kota atau kemana gitu, jadi ya paling liburannya kayak liburan yang kemaren, gitu gitu aja.

jadi setelah beratus ratus kali ketemu orang dan ditanya "mau kuliah apa?" dan selalu jawab "belum tau nih", soalnya gue bener bener blank gitu, gak merasa condong ke subjek manapun, dan gak merasa suka subjek apapun. gue nunggu tiba2 muncul gitu interestnya tapi sampai sekarang belom muncul juga minat ke manapun. berhubung kuliah kurang dari 11 bulan lagi, gue memutuskan untuk tes minat dan bakat kemaren, biar yakin gitu mau kuliah apa dan dimana. biar punya cita cita gitudeh.

jadi kemaren gue tes minat dan bakat di UI salemba, dari jam 9 sampe jam 4. tesnya banyak banget. lumayan pegel. banyak pertanyaan yang bikin gue bener2 mikir tentang kehidupan dan diri sendiri gitu. trs pas "tuliskan 15 pernyataan tentang dirimu (bukan fisik)" sama ada tes satu lagi gitu yg bikin gue jadi menyadari banyak hal yang selama ini gue tau tapi menolak untuk tau, atau menolak untuk mikirin.
pas pulang gue langsung tidur, terus mimpi tentang banyak hal hal gak terduga gitulah, mungkin karna pas tes itu gue banyak mikir yang selama ini gapernah gue pikirin. fyi hasil tesnya baru keluar 16 agustus, lama ya.

apa lagi ya. bosen, tapi pengen nulis.

oh iya, akhir akhir ini gue mulai suka dan sering dengerin Sigur Ros.
telat ya? memang. ya namanya juga selera.. dulu udah pernah dengerin sih beberapa tapi belum begitu ketagihan. agak sedih sih kenapa baru suka setelah Sigur Rosnya udah konser di Indonesia bulan Mei kemaren.
lagunya lagunya damai. sedikiiiit ada aura TTATW. lyricnya juga bagus bagus, kebanyakan bahasa Iceland sih, api di internet banyak translateannya juga kok.

ini beberapa lagu lagunya :

selamat mendengarkan, dan semoga minggunya menyenangkan!

because sometimes it feels like it's all that matters.

source : alisha's

sedang senang

halo!
jadi ini hari terakhir libur kenaikan kelas. liburan ini bisa dibilang cukup kosong karena ngga pergi kemana mana, kerjaan dirumah cuma bangun siang, makan ngemil makan ngemil, buka laptop, main hp, refresh refresh tl, nonton criminal minds dan ncis berulang2 sampe kadang nonton episode yang sama 2 kali. iya, liburan gue se bermakna itu... tapi lumayan seru juga sih sempet jalan sama temen temen walaupun kebanyakan pada liburan. jalan sama temen smp juga yang sudah lama tidak ngobrol, terus jalan sama keluarga juga... seru sih liburan ini lumayan.

oiyaa akhirnya kesampean juga nyobain makan di

ragusa!! dari dulu penasaran banget sama ragusa yang kata orang orang enak itu. jadi jumat minggu lalu gue dateng sekitar jam 4an dan agak shock sih liat antriannya sampe keluar pintu.... entah gue salah jam datengnya atau ragusa emang seenak itu atau orang orang jakarta lagi pada pengen eskrim gue gatau juga. tapi karna penasaran yaudah akhirnya tetep ngantri. setelah ngantri 15 menitan akhirnya dapet giliran mesen juga. gue mesen gitu kan "ci pesen blablabla" terus dia nyatet gitu, trs gue bilang "oiya sama pesen blablabla" terus nci nya kayak "ah gabisa gabisa udah lewat", hu jutek banget dia sepertinya kecapekan.. soalnya emang lagi rame banget gitu kan. terus gue ngambil eskrimnya. vanilla lg abis pula hu. fyi sistem duduk di ragusa agak aneh gitu ya. karna gadapet tempat duduk akhirnya makan di luar, duduk dilantai gitu.
enak sih, tapi menurut gue agak overrated eskrimnya.. gatau karna udah kecapekan ngantri atau efek dijutekin ncinya, menurut gue eskrimnya halus tapi rasanya ga jauh beda sama eskrim eskrim biasa gitu.
tapi senangggg akhirnya nyobain ragusa :D

apa lagi ya yang menarik liburan ini... sejauh ini belom ada yang fantastis sih, gitu gitu aja. oiya ga  kerasa bgt besok udah kelas 12! gila tinggal setahun di 8. menurut gue sih masa sma paling kerasa cepet, apalagi kelas 11 parah gak kerasa banget tau2 udah naik kelas lg. terus besok udah kelas 12 dan gue masih belum menemukan cita cita... haha masih berusaha menemukan sih.

laluuuu sekalian buat mengakhiri post ini, ini ada salah satu hasil kebosenan gue liburan ini. udah dari juni sih sebenernya bikinnya. disini ada lagu lagu yang baru gue tau, ada juga yang udah lama tau tapi lagi seneng dengerin aja. oiya selamat sekolah untuk semua yang besok mulai sekolah lagi, semoga di tahun ajaran ini bisa lebih baik dari sebelum sebelumnya.
selamat menikmati!!



.

gila

it's crazy how you can feel closer to a person than anyone else, and all of a sudden you're south and they're north. you treasure even their flaws and the other way around, then suddenly they are the main reason of your insecurity. how in less than a year, a sounding board turns into a person you used to know.  it's crazy- just when you thought it was going to be a thrilling ride, you fell flat on your face. it's crazy how the world often leaves you questioning, anxious, and most of times, in pieces.

x

bingung apakah harus jadi orang yang diam, agar tidak membuat lebih banyak kesalahan lagi untuk disesali di kemudian hari, atau menjadi manusia yang tidak berpikir dua kali dan dibangun atas pelajaran dari penyesalan?

racauan sabtu malam

pernah gak sih lo ngerasa salah tempat?

bukan salah tempat in terms of acara gitu. bukan salah dateng ke suatu acara, atau salah menempatkan sesuatu, bukan, bukan salah tempat dalam hal kecil gitu.
maksud gue, bener bener salah tempat di dunia.
salah ditempatkan sih lebih tepatnya.

salah ditempatkan. iya aneh sih memang. tapi... ya begitulah yang gue rasakan akhir akhir ini, salah ditempatkan.
akhir akhir ini gue sering merasa berada di tempat yang salah, waktu yang salah, bahkan gak jarang gue berpikir gue dilahirkan sebagai orang yang salah. gue sering berpikir, kayaknya salah gue berada di posisi astrid gloria ini. salah gue berada di antara orang orang ini. sering banget gue berpikir gue seharusnya berada di bagian bumi yang lain.

banyak hal hal yang pengen gue coba, banyak hal yang pengen gue jalanin, banyak yang pengen dilakuin. tapi entah kenapa, waktu, situasi dan tempat jarang banget terasa tepat.

padahal gue kemaren baru denger kata kata dari seorang temen yang bilang,
"hidup kita ini, bahkan setiap detail terkecil pun, udah direncanain sama Tuhan. rencana Tuhan selalu indah, dan nggak pernah salah"

indah sih memang, tapi kadang juga terasa begitu salah.

Ketancep

"What Susie says of Sally says more of Susie than of Sally,"

remember that.

this is where boredom leads me

• 1: What would you name your future daughter? i have no idea
• 2: Do you miss anyone? right now? not really
• 3: What if I told you that you were pretty? i'll thank you
• 4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?  yes
• 5: What are you looking forward to in the next week? to be happier and optimist basically. i've been quite emotional these past few weeks
• 6: Did you go out or stay in last night? i just curled in my bed
• 7: How late did you stay up last night? until 1 ish
• 8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? nope
• 9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? cooking
• 10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? yep
• 11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? i guess
• 12: Have you pretended to like someone? yes
• 13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? i guess, and i hope 
• 14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? always? no. but most of the times my bestfriends and my family can lift me up on my rough days
• 15: Is it hard for you to get over someone? depends
• 16: Think back five months ago, were you single? no
• 17: Have you ever cried from being so mad? yes, it happens quite often nowadays
• 18: Hold hands with anyone this week? no
• 19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? no 
• 20: Who did you last see in person? mom
• 21: What is the last thing you said out lot? "hai"
• 22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night? no
• 23: Have you ever been to Paris? no
• 24: Are you good at hiding your feelings? nooooo. but i am able when i need to
• 25: Do you use chap stick? no. i hate the sticky feeling
• 26: Who did you last share a bed with? nobody
• 27: Are you listening to music right now? yep, fake diamonds by lana del rey. you should listen to it, go now.
• 28: What is something you currently want right now? mineral water
• 29: What is your current favorite song? fake diamonds by lana del rey, the helicat spangled shalala by arctic monkeys, and the acoustic version of norwegian wood
• 30: How is your heart lately? complicated. in the transition phase, i guess. but so far its going pretty well.
• 31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? not really
• 32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? forgot
• 33: What do people call you? astrid
• 34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? yessss
• 35: Are there any stressful situations in your life? right now? no
• 36: What are you listening to right now? dark paradise by lana del rey
• 37: What is wrong with you right now? i tend to overthink and i've been quite cynical lately. i don't know, February has been pretty rough.  these past few weeks i couldn't seem to find positive thoughts to keep me going. but these days things are working out  pretty well and everything's getting better, i guess.
• 38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh? Yes!
• 39: Do you make wishes at 11:11? no
• 40: What is on your wrists right now? nothing. i hate the feeling of having something lying and weighing down my wrist 
• 41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected? i know this might seem quite cliche and cheesy, but i'm currently single and i'm happy
• 42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? this is a free shirt from school on the singapore trip
• 43: Do you hate Monday? no. in fact monday is my favorite day of the week
• 44: Have you hugged someone within the last week? no
• 45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? no
• 46: What were you doing at midnight last night? i don't know, i think i was just laying on bed thinking
• 47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? i kinda miss the way that  my life was going really well. but if i were given the chance of turning back, i'd still prefer on being where i am right now
• 48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? alone
• 49: Have you ever been to New York? nope. i wish i have.
• 50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? ummm i guess so

one of the best from the very best

mereka akan berkata
kesedihanmu akan pergi terhempas angin-
angin selatan yang penuh debu,
terbawa sampai ufuk ufuk timur terjauh

dan kau akan terdiam, bertanya dalam hati
kapan ini akan berakhir,
dan terbawa sampai ufuk timur terjauh
ufuk timur terjauh.

kau pernah melangkahkan kaki,
dan terjengkal.
sadar
dan melantunkan,
terang yang kau dambakan, hilanglah semua yang kau tanya

terang yang kau dambakan, hilanglah semua yang kau tanya
terang yang kau dambakan, hilanglah semua yang kau tanya.

************

Empati Tamako.

it would be really nice to have this song played on my funeral one day. 

empati is the condition of positioning one's self on another one's condition, trying to or feeling completely one's feeling and motives, while Tamako is a subdistrict within Sangihe islands, which is Waloni's hometown. this song is just... beautiful. their songs are all soothing and calming yet very emotional. the one thing that keeps me falling for the trees and the wild is when you listen to their music, close your eyes and surrender, they lift you up flying high. 

here is the video :

and the acoustic version, which is just as beautiful

enjoy! 

x

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It was a mistake but at least we tried.
I wish you all the very best, and above all,
For everything, thank you :)

Have a good life.

AL MAL TIEMPO BUENA CARA.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Have faith.

sixteen

Dear God, 

Words can never describe how much I am grateful for everything, seriously, I can never thank you enough.

Best

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart"

x

I was in the middle of that battle between my heart and my logic when I suddenly asked myself,

Why even bother fighting?

And why... Why even bother making that much effort,

When everything in front of you is somewhat unclear?

Why even bother.